Evangelicals have an extremely vague, naïve, and sentimental religious impulse which can be sustained by nothing more than a single platitude.
These are modern times, folks, or post-modern times, if you prefer. We must change our habits of thinking.
Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus ever condemn slaveholding; in fact St. Paul reveals the attitudes that slaveholders should have toward their slaves: we need Evangelicals who will step forward and demonstrate these attitudes and present to this fallen world a balanced approach to this very troubled industry where good examples are few and far between.
There is a long history of slaveholders who are atheists, polytheists, animists, communists, and third world oppressors. If Evangelicals are to show the love of Christ to the world, if they are serious about reclaiming every square inch of this blue marble, they really ought to own slaves! And not just when it is convenient; they should do this on principle. How else will the unsaved see Christ’s love down on the plantation?
Evangelicals ought to work in slave-related and child-labor industries. If Evangelicals don’t do this, then slaveholding will descend to its lowest common denominator and the industry will be dominated by the worst sort of men, not the best sort of men like Evangelicals are.
Evangelicals should all be a model to slaveholders everywhere; they should show that they can have slaves without capitulating to the meanest habits of race-hatred.
They should be conducting “slaveholder-relevant Bible studies” at the local slave auctions.
There is no end of the good that will come when Evangelicals practice slavery in a becoming and Christ-like way.
Spokesmodeling, on the other hand, gives me a lot of interaction with consumers, because I get to represent brands and travel with them to promote their products to potential clients.
—Trinity Laurel, Christian model
Bethany Jenkins is another Evanjellicle who won’t shut up no matter how many opportunities come her way. Here Bethany engages in sagacious chitchat about the intersection of a fickle industry which focuses solely on outward beauty and—I can’t bring myself to call it Christianity; Evanjelliclism—the intersection of a fickle industry and Evanjelliclism, another fickle industry.
And responding to this piece of culture-twiddling, Joyce Griffin (who may not even be good-looking enough to participate in this discussion) expresses the hope that an apology might be forthcoming:
I have gained much help. I respect the leaders and pastors involved in this ministry. It is with a heavy heart, full of love, that I submit this to you and request that this article be removed along with a retraction statement correcting the reasoning behind this.
I gather from Bethany’s response that that won’t happen.
I wonder how D.A. Carson or Tim Keller or John Piper would handle the tension that underlies this difference within The Coalition. Or would that not be something they could speak to intelligently?
It’s much stronger without the clichés.
The cliché was made to do an awful lot of work this past week: there was an Evanjellicle Conference in Louisville, KY. I hope when clichés are given that much responsibility they are paid well for it, and I suspect some clichés are going to be seen driving around in Lykan Hypersports and Hennessey Venom GT Spyders and Lamborghini Reventons.
Evanjellicle Conferences serve several purposes critical to the health of Christianity, one of which is to help provincial saints meet other provincial saints. It is very difficult in the 21st Century with the distractions of the social media in your nearest pocket to stay in touch with others of like faith and practice. It used to be that when you wanted to correspond with a brother, you wrote your thoughts down on a piece of paper and someone riding a horse would deliver it to the addressee. Long gone is the Hanseatic League of the 1200s and its network of mounted mailpersons.
So that’s just one reason conferences come in handy.
As Derek Rishmawy confessed: I find I tend to live a parochial existence in my head. This is what the prophets told us would happen when a culture uses the horse primarily for recreational purposes. It’s practically the collapse of civilization. (And you get Derek Rishmawy!)
And what horse wants to deliver clichés for a living?
I know Andras Schiff’s horse wouldn’t. Mr. Schiff loves horses and hates clichés.
And if you want to see what life is like when the cliché cannot find a suitable dwelling, you might want to listen to this. It’s long and it involves students, but still helpful, I think.
If you insist on doing what the Bible forbids, it is always in good taste to misinterpret the biblical writers themselves rather than misinterpreting a Reformer 1500 years removed. Not only does it demonstrate proper calendar awareness, it shows you’ve been to school and have learned something about the importance of dealing with primary sources.
In particular, we’re looking for people who would be confident writing one 200-500 word piece every week. These writers would write short, concise, timely pieces and would cover a specific beat (film, games, tv, internet, general culture, etc.).
Do you drink from a sippy cup? Are you a terminally shallow person? Are you a seminary smurf? Do people smile indulgently when you tell them you are a theologian? Do you have prophetic things to say about thigh gap? Do people with butterfly nets chase you around the church parking lot? Do you have a picture of yourself attending a Star Wars Celebration? Do you hang out at the intersection of religiosity and banality?
Then you have a chance to make a splash at christandpopculturedotcom.
I get a kick out of their statement: “…we’re looking for people who would be confident…”. Not competent; confident. If that distinction is not lost on you, a career awaits. You could be a C. S. Lewis to the nerds of America.
The world is dying to know how Christians can explain their complete assimilation in a decadent culture.
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