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Sillier Than an Evangelical In an Election Year

  02/24/16 , by Dissidens, Categories: Evangelical culture

I have, if I recall correctly, a dollar in my pocket. I can spend it on something foolish, I can spend it on something useful, I can give it away, I can save it, or I can invest it. I can even burn it. The one thing I cannot do is add value to it.

Unfortunately, we have no more control over the meaning of our words than we do over the value of our dollars. This is especially true if we are Evangelicals (or even if we are not Evangelicals but because of the meanderings of history must suffer their proximity).

There are times in our life when we don’t expect the moment to produce the comfort or consolation of tradition or the solace of meaningful sentences. I’m thinking now of a football game, a monster truck rally, a Justin Bieber concert, a Democratic Convention, or morning worship in an Evangelical church.


The corruption of speech involves the corruption of truth, and the corruption of words means the debasement of speech which is the debasement of our most human and historic gifts.


I thought of this when I read something John Powell wrote. Indeed I think of this every time I visit The Gospel Concoction blog; but I thought about it again when I read this Evangelical clown suggesting five “strategies” for preaching at the funeral of someone who has met his maker, and whose meeting has produced a somewhat disappointing outcome.

It annoys me a little that as we bury our dead we have dolts “strategizing” over what to do in that moment. It annoys me a lot that this is what Mr. Powell considers appropriate strategizing:


4. Find something unique that reminds the audience of the gravity of the situation. Did old Bill like Duck Dynasty? Then we can try something like this:

Every time you’re flipping through the channels and come across Bill’s favorite show, and you see uncle Si up to his crazy antics, think of Bill. Think of all the wonderful memories y’all shared. But don’t stop there. Think of this moment, when you lost Bill, and let your mind wander to matters that we consider today. Matters of eternal weight and gravity. Matters of life and death. Heaven and hell. Gospel and belief. You know, Christ said that those who call upon him don’t have to fear a moment like this.”

Then, we should tell them why.



Let us hope that when someone close to me dies and I have to engage some pulpit buffoon, there is someone available with a little more substance than John Powell.

Beside professional wrestlers and hip hop chatterboxes, is there a group of people less adept than Evangelicals at the common pursuit of true judgment?


Comment from: sasquatch_blanco [Member]  

So. Bill is dead, and we should tell unbelievers that when X reminds them of Bill, then they should remember that Bill is dead, and that they should then think about getting saved?

Powell may not be good with words, but he certainly seems adept with shoe horns.

02/24/16 @ 16:57
Comment from: Dissidens [Member]  

It’s kind of a shame that people going to Hell on a zip line and in need of warning on ultimate and eternal questions should be dependent on Evangelicals, of all people: people who desperately crave acceptance, people who are culturally naïve and dreadfully superficial, people obsessed with the temporal things, and people who are intellectually pretentious.

My friend has died, his fat is already bubbling, and some Evangelical bag of wind is conjuring lighter moments with the Teen Choice Award for Choice TV Male Reality Star in 2013.

You can not make this up.

You just can’t.

Not with the verisimilitude laws presently being enforced as they are.

02/24/16 @ 17:57
Comment from: d4v34x [Visitor]

This is why my funeral will be according to the Book of Common Prayer. Silly eulogies will have to wait until everyone’s eating those little ham sandwiches.

02/25/16 @ 15:05
Comment from: Dissidens [Member]  

I dread my funeral. I’m telling all my friends not to come.

They both agreed.

02/25/16 @ 15:57

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